


Muppetstuck

by Sniperdoodle



Series: Jump Into a Universe [1]
Category: Homestuck, The Muppet Show
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/Sniperdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s time to play the music! It’s time to light the lights! It’s time to introduce these random guest stars because the original act bailed on us!</p>
<p>	For some strange reason, during their three-year trip on the Meteor, the residents of said Meteor were transported to the location of the Muppet Theater on the night of the show. And it just so happens that the original guest star bailed so now the said residents are forced to work in the show.</p>
<p>	Featuring our special guest stars Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope and Karkat Vantas as they face the Swedish Chef, bad jokes from a bear, buckets, pigs in space, and a kick-ass finale that will blow you out of the water!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Backstage

**Author's Note:**

> Ha ha ha. This is a stupid crossover that I really wanted to do. It got my brother to laugh (which is a really hard thing to do) so I hope that you enjoy this story!

Minutes before the show, Kermit the Frog was in a conundrum. His guest star had just canceled and now he had no one. Batman wasn’t going to drop in and save him this time. He sighed and got up and started to pace around. What to do, what to do. 

Seconds later there was a bright flash of light and Kermit looked up in his desk. He was greeted with five sets of stranger eyes. Two of the five were humans wearing something that looked like pajamas. The other three were strange creatures with grey skin, orange horns, and yellow eyes each wearing a black shirt with a strange colored symbol on it. 

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!” one of the grey creatures with nubby horns and a grey cancer symbol on his chest. 

“Great,” one of the humans, a boy with aviator shades and red pajamas things, sighed. “I know where we are.”

“It smells like fabric,” a grey-creature with red pointy glasses and a cane said. She had a teal Libra symbol on her shirt. 

“It does seem familiar,” a girl with orange pajama things and short blond hair stated as she looked around. 

“What is that?” the final grey-person, a girl with a long red dress, a green Virgo symbol on her shirt and was rather fashionable asked looking straight at Kermit. 

“OH MY GOG IT’S A MONSTER!” the one with the nubby horns yelled falling backwards knocking everyone off the desk as soon as he saw Gonzo. 

“What?” Gonzo asked as he saw everyone on the floor. Everyone was able to get up except for the short nubby one who was stuck under the boy with the glasses’ cape. 

“Not again,” the boy groaned as he flipped the troll over and onto Kermit’s table getting him from out under his cape. The boy then turned to Kermit and said, “What’s up Kermit?” 

“Oh, it’s the Muppet Show,” the human girl finally realized looking around. 

“Muppet?” the shouty nubby short one asked. “Dave, aren’t those your fucking nooksuckers brother creepy smutty puppets?”

“No, those are smuppets,” the boy with the glasses answered Karkat. 

Kermit made that face like his face was sunken in at the sound of smutty puppets before getting a hold of himself once more. He took a deep breath in before he shouted arms flailing, “WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BACKSTAGE!?”

“Wow Karkles, he almost has as much of a shouty mouth as you,” the troll with the cane cackled. 

“It’s not Karkles you fuckass!” the nubby one shouted at the cackling troll. 

“Well,” Dave shouted. “I’m Dave Strider, Knight of Time. The other human is my sis Rose Lalonde, Seer of Light, then we have our trolls. There’s Kanaya Maryam the vampire fashion queen, Terezi Pyrope the amazing blind chick, then we have Karkat Vantas, Mr. Shouty McNubbyhorns.”

“Grr . . . .” Karkat growled at how Dave named him. 

“How did you get here?” Gonzo then asked present for the whole thing. 

“Dunno, we were on a meteor flying to a new session when we got whisked away to your show,” Dave answered. 

“Well, no time for this,” Kermit decided. “I have no idea who you are but I am desperately in need for a guest star and you five are going to have to do. Gonzo, take them to their dressing rooms and I’ll go announce them.”

“Gotcha,” Gonzo said as he started to herd the five up the stairs to the two separate dressing rooms. 

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘guest stars’ and ‘announcing us’?” Karkat asked Kermit, not really knowing what he was getting into. 

“It means that we’re the special stars on the show for one week only,” Rose answered. 

“What show?” Kanaya then asked.

“The Muppet Show,” Dave answered. “A show run by puppets who sing, dance, and make jokes.” 

“I’m not sure if I want to do this,” Karkat grumbled as Gonzo stuffed him and Dave in one of the dressing rooms.


	2. The First Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show begins.

“Mr. Strider! Mr. Vantas! Five seconds to show time!” Scooter called out his usual greeting as he entered the guy’s dressing room, quickly to regret it. 

“Karkat, stop drawing human dicks,” Dave wrestled with Karkat as the two of them were fighting over a marker as they were drawing in a book. 

“That’s your doing Strider!” Karkat yelled angrily trying to bite Dave’s moving arm. 

“Your fault for trying to make another shipping chart,” Dave answered. 

“I was not making a shipping chart!” Karkat growled biting down on Dave’s arm. 

Scooter then slowly left the room unnoticed, scarred for life from what he had just witnessed. 

 

It’s the Muppet Show with our special guest stars, Dave Strider! Rose Lalonde! Kanaya Maryam! Terezi Pyrope! and Karkat Vantas! Yaaaaaaaaaay!

It’s time to play the music!  
It’s time to light the lights!  
It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!  
It’s time to put on make-up!  
It’s time to dress up right!  
It’s time to raise the curtains on the Muppet Show tonight!  
And now let’s get things started  
Why don’t you get things started?  
It’s time to get things started  
On the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational  
This is what we call the Muppet show!  
(Gonzo blows trumpet and sopor slime comes out)

Kermit walked right up on stage after the opening number to introduce the first act and greet the audience. 

“Welcome everybody to another wonderful show!” Kermit started. “And right now you’re wondering, who are our guest stars? What are they famous for? Why are they here? What talent do they have? Do they have any talent? Well folks to tell you the truth, I don’t have the answers to most of those questions. Our original guest star bailed and they magically appeared on my table so I had no choice but to force them into the show. Now, to introduce our first act-”

Kermit was cut short by Terezi walking on stage.

“Over here?” she asked turning back around to Dave off to the side. 

“Almost there. A little bit further,” Dave instructed her. Terezi turned around and walked further bumping into Kermit. When they got up, Kermit had quite a surprise, Terezi was licking him. 

“You taste like lime green,” Terezi said before continuing to lick his head. 

“Uhm, why are you licking me?” Kermit asked nervously. 

“I can taste colors and you taste almost as delicious as Karkat,” Terezi said while Karkat groaned from backstage. 

“Hey!” Miss Piggy yelled as she walked up to Terezi licking Kermit. “What are you doing to my frog?!”

“Licking him,” Terezi answered. 

“No one does that to my Kermie!” Miss Piggy huffed. “Hi-ya!” she yelled as she threw her fist at Terezi, Terezi blocking by putting Kermit in her way. Kermit screamed as he was thrown through the curtains. 

“Kermmie!” Miss Piggy yelled in horror as she ran to save him. 

Terezi, on the stage alone turned to the audience and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, the first act.”

She gracefully walked off the stage revealing the first act. A crew of pigs were working inside a yellow submarine as the floated through the water, with an unconscious frog on their deck. 

“Men! Move the frog!” Link Hogthrob told his crew and two pigs moved the hurting Kermit away. Once Kermit was out of the way, they began to sing, with Link singing all of the solo parts.

In a town where I was born  
Lived a man who sailed to sea  
And he told us of his life  
In the land of submarines  
So we sailed on to the sun  
Till we found the sea of green  
And we lived beneath the waves  
In our yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
And our friends are all aboard  
Many more of them live next door  
And the band begins to play  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswine, full speed ahead  
Full speed ahead it is, sir  
Cut the cable, drop the cable  
Aye-aye, sir, aye-aye  
Captain, Captain  
As we live and life of ease  
Everyone of us has all we need  
Sky of blue, sea of green  
In our yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine  
We all live in a yellow submarine  
Yellow submarine, Yellow submarine

As the song was going on, Karkat had found home up in a booth with two old men named Statler and Waldorf. They may have been old, but they were like him. Karkat, was home. 

“What the fuck was that song?” Karkat asked the two men. “First off, why were pigs singing it? Second off, just what the fuck was it even about?”

“See, this is why this show is horrible,” Statler told him. 

“Why are you even performing?” Waldorf then asked. 

“I don’t know,” Karkat answered horrified. “I don’t know.” 

“Wait, watch this guy,” Waldorf got Karkat’s attention. “This guy is so easy to make fun of.”

“And now everyone,” Kermit introduced, his head wound gone. “Fozzie Bear!”  
The curtains pulled back and Fozzie Bear came up on stage, ready to do his act. 

“Heeeeeeey! Wokka wokka everyone!” Fozzie started. “So did you ever here the one about-”

“Boring,” Karkat groaned out loud. “I haven’t even heard the joke and it’s already unfunny.”

“Hey, I thought you were performing on the show?” Fozzie asked, confused about why Karkat was up with his sworn enemies.

“I am,” Karkat answered. “Doesn’t mean that I have to be happy about it.” 

“Well, you’ll love this joke,” Fozzie started. “Now why did the clown go to the doctor?”

“Because a bear told a joke so bad that it gave him a terminal illness?” Karkat asked making the crowd laugh. 

“Because he was feeling a little funny!” Fozzie answered laughing.

“Are you sure it wasn’t the terminal illness?” Karkat checked. 

“Alright, why did the picture go to jail?” Fozzie then asked. 

“Because it was painted by Dave Strider, and everyone knows how terrible an artist he is. He must’ve been drawing dicks again,” Karkat answered making the audience laugh again. 

“Because it was framed!” Fozzie laughed. 

“You didn’t answer my question? Did Strider draw it or not?” Karkat then asked. 

“What do you call the man atop the hill?” Fozzie then asked. 

“That creepy sweaty guy?” Karkat asked referring to Equius, and he got more laughter.

“Cliff!” Fozzie answered. 

“His name’s Equius!” Karkat yelled back. 

“What do you call a man in a hole?” Fozzie asked. 

“Eridan,” Karkat answered seriously, thinking about Eridan being all alone in a hole, dying. 

“Doug! What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?”

“Eridan,” Karkat answered after Eridan doing that one time to Karkat begging for romantic help. 

“Matt! What do you call a man in a mailbox?” 

“Eridan,” Karkat answered after Eridan did that to him one time too.

“Who is this Eridan guy?” Fozzie then asked. 

“A creepy hipster douche who once laid on my doorstep and hid in my mailbox wanting me to give him romantic advice,” Karkat answered as the audience howled in laughter. 

“What has one eye but cannot see?” Fozzie asked. 

“Vriska,” Karkat answered thinking about Vriska not being able to see that Nick Cage was a horrible actor, just like John could not see that.

“A needle!” Fozzie answered. 

“Did you here about the human cannonball?” Fozzie asked with his last jokes. 

“They misfired and he exploded into a million pieces after he went splat into a wall?” Karkat asked. At that moment, Fozzie gave up and walked off the stage, while Statler and Waldorf gave Karkat pats on the back for a good job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Fozzie.  
> Yellow Submarine belongs to the Beatles.  
> The Muppet Show Theme Song belongs to Jim Henson Studios/Disney (I guess now that Disney owns Jim Henson Studios)


	3. The Second Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave talks about his past experience with puppets and there's a little ballroom dancing.

The curtains closed and opened once again a little bit later with a seating arrangement and Kermit was talking to Dave. Kermit turned to the audience first before saying anything to Dave. 

“Since I don’t know our guest stars, I thought that I might as well get to know them,” Kermit told the audience before turning back to Dave. “So Dave, do you have any family?”

“Well there’s Rose,” Dave started. “And Bro.”

“Bro?” Kermit asked.

“He’s the guy who raised me,” Dave answered. “And he taught me like everything he knows. He also had this weird obsession with puppets and had a puppet named Cal.”

“That’s weird because we just got a new member named Cal,” Kermit answered. 

“Maybe I can meet him later,” Dave answered. “He probably looks nothing like my brother’s Cal.” 

“Do you have any talents?” Kermit then asked. 

“I can throw sick fires like no tomorrow,” Dave started to say. “Rapping’s my game.”

“He sucks!” Karkat called out from the balcony. 

“Ignore him, I’m awesome. He’s just jealous because his only talent is yelling, swearing, and making shipping charts,” Dave answered. 

“So, would you mind doing a rapping skit that I’ve wanted to do for a while?” Kermit asked.

“Why not,” Dave shrugged. 

“Now, why are you wearing that get-up?” Kermit asked referring to Dave’s Knight of Time costume. 

“I’m the Knight of Time, bro,” Dave told Kermit. “I can control time.”

“Really?” Kermit asked. 

“Yeh, let me show you,” Dave answered. He walked off the stage and came back on with a juice box. 

“Hey,” Dave said. 

“You just went to go and get a juice box,” Kermit said. 

“Nah, I went down the street to get a juice box,” Dave answered. “I was gone for about ten minutes.”

“What?” Kermit asked confused as another Dave joined Dave on stage, though this time he was wearing the Felt Suit. 

“Sup?” Felt suit Dave asked. “I knew that he would be wearing the Knight of Time get-up so I decided to wear something different. 

“I like it,” a third Dave answered with another juice box. The third Dave was wearing the Flush suit. 

“We all look awesome,” the fourth Dave said wearing just the regular suit.

“Wow, it’s getting crowded up here, should we go sit in the audience?” a fifth Dave asked wearing the Aces suit. 

“Yeh,” a sixth Dave said wearing one of Dave’s disguises. The five Daves left leaving Dave all alone on the stage with Kermit. 

“You know,” Dave started as Kermit was still shocked into silence. “Bro made me watch the Muppet Show from season one upwards and I’ve always wondered what happen to Miss Piggy. You know, at the beginning of the show she was fuggly, and now in all the movies . . . well she’s not exactly hot but she’s better looking. Did she have plastic surgery done to her or something?” 

“What did you say?” Miss Piggy asked as she came up on stage looking at Dave. 

“Did you have plastic surgery done?” Dave asked. Miss Piggy then growled and chased Dave off the stage. 

“You’re not supposed to ask if a woman had anything done Dave!” Rose yelled at her brother as the trolls and Rose gather around the side of the stage to see the next act. 

“What’s the next act?” Terezi asked. 

“Ballroom dancing,” Rose answered remembering it for when she caught it on TV. “It usually has a theme and couples tell really corny jokes while dancing.”

The curtains then went up once again showing a ballroom where people were dancing. The orchestra was playing the usual theme and couples danced across the ballroom, coming up to the front to tell their chosen corny jokes. The first couple came up and shocked the trolls with their joke. 

“What happened when the man fell down the well?”  
“He kicked the bucket.”

“So the police officer asked me, ‘Why are you driving with a bucket of water in the passenger’s seat? I answered, So I can dip my headlights.”

“What’s the difference between a bucket of crap and a mother-in-law?”  
“The bucket!” 

“What’s red and looks like a bucket?”  
“A red bucket!”   
“What’s blue and looks like a bucket?”  
“A red bucket in disguise!”

The stage closed and the couples came off while the trolls stood in their spots shocked, mouths open in shock at the thought of those types of jokes being told on a show.

“I thought that this show was for wrigglers Rose,” Kanaya told Rose in shock. 

“You three,” Kermit came over to the assembled group. “The trolls! Get out there. You’re cooking with the Swedish Chef!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, the Swedish Chef! Dun dun dun!


	4. The Third Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooking with the Swedish Chef. Let's hope that the trolls survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, who doesn't like the Swedish Chef? He's my favorite Muppet. His song belongs to Jim Henson Studios.

“Yorn desh born  
Det ritt de gritt der gue  
Orn desh  
Dee born desh  
De umn  
Bork! Bork! Bork!”

“Wow,” Kanaya said as she dodged the Chef’s knives that he threw behind his head. “I thought that the mock-Swedish Alternian language was lost.”

“Let’s get this over with,” Karkat grumbled as he saw Terezi going around licking everything in the kitchen. 

“Tudey ve-a’re-a cuukeeng creb!” the Chef announced as he lifted a hefty pot up onto the counter with a little red crab inside. Karkat stood in shock thinking about his lusus, Crabdad.

“You can’t cook him!” Karkat protested.

“Vhy nut?” Chef asked as Karkat scooped up the crab and held him in his arm, close to his chest. 

“See, Karkat’s lusus was a crab so he has a sentimental connection to them,” Kanaya explained to the chef. 

“Zeen vhet em I sooppused tu cuuk?” the Chef asked as Karkat huddle in a corner ready to protect the little crab.

“I don’t know,” Terezi answered. 

The chef then looked around and picked up a large knife, coming at Karkat yelling, “Geefe-a me-a zee creb troll! Geefe-a me-a zee creb!”

“Ah!” Karkat screamed ducking under the Swedish chef and jumping off the stage over the orchestra pit into the audience, hiding behind one of the multiple Daves. Three members of the orchestra pit held up numbers rating Karkat on his jump, and he got good scores-a nine, an eight, and another nine.

“Ask the Swedish Chef if he wants to cook chicken,” Rose suggested to Kanaya running up on the stage to inform her of it. 

“Why don’t you cook chicken?” Kanaya asked the chef.

“Perffect! Ell ve-a need is a cheeckee! Bork! Bork! Bork!” the Swedish Chef said excitedly. Out of the blue, a chicken fell from the ceiling landing on the table. 

“Camilla! No!” Gonzo yelled falling from the over lights behind the chef. 

“Perffect!” the chef said ecstatically as gonzo was trapping by a licking Terezi, enjoying the purplish-blue colors. “Noo ell ve-a need tu du is keel zee cheeckee beffure-a-ooh nu! It’s getting evey! Bork! Bork! Bork!” the chef said as the chicken fluttered off the stage. 

“I’ve got it,” Kanaya said pulling out her chainsaw and jumping over the orchestra pit even adding two flips in the graceful manure, landing very gracefully with her chainsaw whirling, running after the chicken fluttering through the audience. The band members then held up all ten’s for Kanaya’s perfect jump, triumphing Karkat’s. 

“Go Camilla!” Gonzo yelled as Terezi continued to lick his nose.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Kermit said pausing everything. “There will be no gory chainsaw chicken death on the show! The skit’s over! Everyone back stage!” 

“Aw,” most members of the audience said wanting to see a gory chicken chainsaw death. Karkat and Kanaya went behind stage through the orchestra pit, Kanaya’s chainsaw still out and Karkat still caressing the crab. 

“Good job,” Rose stopped Kanaya with a happy smirk on her face. “And that was a very beautiful jump you did there.”

“Thank-you Rose,” Kanaya thanked her girlfriends as they walk back behind the stage together having to get ready for the next skit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, Piiiiiiiiiiiiigs Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiin Spaaaaaaaaaaace!


	5. Act Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three Words: Pigs In Space.

“And now, Pigs in Space!  
Staring the slow Captain Link Hogthrob  
The fabulous first Mate Piggy  
And the magnificent the Dr. Julius Strangepork  
When we last left the crew they had just been invaded by strange aliens . . . .”

“Dr. Strangepork! What are we going to do?” Miss Piggy asked as the doors were being knocked on. 

“I don’t know!” Dr. Julius Strangepork cried out. 

“Let us in you insufferable blobs of fat!” Karkat yelled from behind the door.

“Don’t insult them too much Karkat!” Rose called from the other side. 

“I’ll insult them how much ever I fucking want Lalonde!” Karkat yelled back. 

“Pizza delivery!” Dave shouted from Rose’s side. 

“Oo! Pizza!” Captain Link Hogthrob said excitedly as he ran over to open the door. 

“Link! No!” Miss Piggy yelled but he opened the door and Dave and Rose stepped in. 

“Fooled ya,” Dave said as he started to walk over to the other side of the room. 

“I can’t believe that actually fucking worked,” Karkat groaned as Dave opened the door, causing Karkat to fall in because he was leaning on the door. 

“Hey Karkat,” Dave greeted the troll on the floor. 

“Shut the fuck up Strider,” Karkat growled as he stood up. The three pigs just looked around in shock at the new guests on their ship. The kids and the trolls just got comfortable and started to sit around like they owned the place. Kanaya and Rose sat down in the chairs, while Dave and Karkat fought over the last chair with Terezi cheering both of them on. 

“What are you doing?” Miss Piggy asked them angrily.

“Well,” Terezi said starting to come up with a story. “See, our meteor crashed and we needed to get to the new game session so we hopped aboard your ship so we could get there.”

“Nice story,” Dave told Terezi for coming up with a good storyline for the show, which they had not thought of yet while Karkat was biting his arm again. 

“How long will it take?” Strangepork asked. 

“Two more years,” Rose answered remembering where they were when they left the meteor. 

“Wonderful,” Miss Piggy growled as Dave won the chair. 

“Fine, I’ll just stand fuckass,” Karkat growled. He stood between Dave and Kanaya looking at the many buttons on the ship’s control. 

“Hey what does this button-” Karkat began to ask as his finger reached for colorful button. 

“NO!” the crew of the ship screamed but it was too late.

“-Do?” Karkat asked as he pressed the button and the ship’s power went off-line, everything turning dark. 

“Good job Karkat,” Dave told the troll, probably having a smug smile on his face. 

“I’ll go and turn the ship back on,” Strangepork sighed as he manual opened the door and left the room. 

“I’ll search for a flashlight,” Link announced making a lot of noise and he shuffled around for a flashlight. 

“Ow!” Miss Piggy shrieked then growled, “That’s not a flashlight!”

“Oh, sorry,” Link said sincerely before moving around. He was then blinded by a bright flash of light surrounding Kanaya. 

“Thank-you Kanaya,” Rose thanked the rainbow drinker. 

“You’re welcome,” Kanaya answered and everyone just continued on with what they were doing. 

“How are you doing that?” Link asked Kanaya. 

“Honk,” came the faint noise before Kanaya could answer. 

“D-di-did you here that?” Karkat asked nervously.

“Honk,” the noise got louder. 

“Dammit, is it that elusive juggalo?” Dave asked. 

“Honk.”

“How’d he get here?” Terezi asked. 

“Honk.”

“What’s a juggalo?” Miss Piggy asked as Karkat began to get more and more physically afraid.

“Honk,” the noise came, louder this time. 

“It’s getting closer,” Karkat said nervously. 

“Honk,” the noise came loudly right from behind the door. In a few seconds, the door opened and Karkat let out a girly scream jumping into the arms of who he thought was Dave Strider. To Karkat’s surprise, it was not Gamzee but Dr. Strangepork. 

“I couldn’t turn the power back on but I found these real neat clown shoes,” Strangepork said as he entered the room, honking every few seconds. 

“Oh, it’s only the good doctor,” Dave said. Karkat stared at Dave in surprise to see that he was not being held by the knight of time, but someone else.

“Wait, if you didn’t catch me,” Karkat started. “Then who did?”

All eyes slowly turned to the juggalo in his purple Bard of Rage outfit holding the same angry troll in his arms. 

“Hey motherfucking best friend,” Gamzee said like everything was normal, causing Karkat to let out another girly scream and jump into the actual arms of Dave Strider. 

“How did you get here?” Link asked Gamzee, not seeing the troll enter. 

“Well, I was all up and teleported to this new motherfucking universe where I got lost outside. I met this motherfucking great guy who I brought back to this motherfucking show with me,” Gamzee said holding a goose up. 

“Honk!” the live goose squealed as Gamzee pulled it into a motherfucking hug.

“He’s my motherfucking honk buddy,” Gamzee said. “Honk!”

“Honk!” the goose answered. 

“Honk!” 

“Honk!”

“Honk!”

“Honk!”

As that nonsense was going on, Rose was talking to Kanaya. 

“Kanaya, I thought you said that you wanted to maim Gamzee once you saw him,” Rose asked her girlfriend. 

“Oh right,” Kanaya said standing up. “Everyone back off. I don’t want you to be splattered with guts and blood too much.”

“No gory clown deaths!” Kermit said barging onto the stage. “Actual, no gory deaths at all!” he then walked off leaving everyone as they were. Kanaya sat down and everything was quite before the goose honked again. 

“So, how much longer until we reach this new game session?” Link asked.

“Still two years,” Rose answered. 

“And so,” the announcer’s voice started causing everyone to look around to see where it was coming from-except Gamzee of course. He probably heard voices all the time since he was almost never sober. “Until next time when Karkat says:”

“Is this fucking show almost over?” Karkat asked before Dave dropped him on the floor. 

“On Pigs in Space!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something bad happens to Karkat the next act . . . . (hint: his foot gets stuck in a bucket)


End file.
